Trevor was a boy, shaggy and attractive, seventeen years old
Surf-boy tan and board shorts green and gold
Reading Batman comics, Half-Price Books still sells 'em for a steal
Man, Catwoman has some sex appeal
Amy was a girl, avid reader, skinny but in shape
She likes playing soccer every day
Looking at the shelves, Half-Price Books, she wonders if they have
A novel to curl up with in the bath

Trevor saw her reaching for a book by Nabakov
The whole shelf started tipping and a couple books fell off
He rushed to her assistance as Lolita crushed her toe
He said, "I'll bet that hurt, that's the heaviest book I know.
Now let me help you with that."

Amy had to laugh. "Thank you stranger, it's heavy I agree.
You're either pretty clever, or you're lucky."
They talked about comics, sci-fi movies, sports and literature
She was into him and he her

Half an hour passed before they both pulled out their phones
Got each other's number, on a future date to go
Then the lights went out and they heard moaning by the door
And when they walked up to the front, they saw the windows smeared with gore

By a bunch of ZOMBIES!
Literally ZOMBIES!!
Everyone's a ZOMBIE
And the smell of our brains is making them all drool
It's ZOMBIES!
Look out for that ZOMBIE!!!
Oh fuck, it's a ZOMBIE!
If we weren't gonna die this would be so cool

"Trever, all the doors are blocked and I'm kinda getting scared!
What do we do?" she asked as Trevor calmly tossed his hair
"Well I'm a suburban spelunker, dude, trespassing is phat!
Just follow me, I'll bet you there's an exit in the back."
They tried to keep it quiet as they hustled down the aisle
But then out from a corner came a zombie drooling bile
Trevor started freaking out, but Amy kept control
She grabbed a metal typewriter and she crushed the zombie's skull
They finally found the exit and they ran
Straight into a parking lot, where every minivan

Was being driven by a ZOMBIE:
Soccer mom ZOMBIES!
White conservative ZOMBIES!"
They still drive bad so it's hard to tell
But they're ZOMBIES!
Jesus shit these are ZOMBIES!!
Evangelical ZOMBIES!!!
They're gonna eat you first, 'cause you're going to hell

Amy only had a bike so they took Trevor's ride
A blue and silver Vespa with a pinstripe on the side
He'd parked by a McDonald's 'cause that's where he ate his lunch
Amy asked, "How can you eat that stuff?" but Trevor only shrugged
The zombies started closing in as Trevor got his keys out
He grabbed a broken parking sign as Amy kicked their knees out
They splattered several zombie heads, then Trevor turned the key
They scooted through the zombie horde and out into the street
They stopped at a police station for help
But every single cop there was in less than perfect health
[beat]
'Cause their ZOMBIES!
The 5-0 are all ZOMBIES!@!
Aviator wearing ZOMBIES!!
With big moustaches and police batons
They're ZOMBIES!!!!
The authorities are ZOMBIES!!
It isn't cool to be a ZOMBIE!
And this chorus could've been in a bad punk song

They ran up to their bike and drove up to an empty park
Hoping to catch a breather 'cause the day was getting dark
It had a public bathroom so they washed away the stench
Checked themselves for bite marks and relaxed on an old bench
Trevor put his arm around her shoulder while they waited
Until the moon came up and their adrenaline abated
They camped out in the lonely field and hardly slept all night
There was some romantic tension, but they both were kinda shy
And at the break of dawn they rode away
And with the coming daylight they saw everything had changed
And Trevor asked:

What happened to the ZOMBIES?
Not a trace of the ZOMBIES?
It's like there never were those ZOMBIES
And everybody's back to their daily lives
Without ZOMBIES
I kinda miss the ZOMBIES
Gotta hand it to those ZOMBIES
Helped me meet a girl, and we had a pretty good time